Power of Words
(c)March 2015 All rights reserved This article is the sole property of the author and CAN NOT be reprinted in any format without express written permission of the author
I have always felt strongly that part of my role as a Dominant is to offer opportunity for growth to my partners, and by extension, to myself. I feel that a healthy D/s relationship isn’t simply about pain and control all the time, but hopefully also the support of our partners. While I think from a Top/Dominant perspective, I feel that what I’m about to mention is independent of Role and can be applied to any relationship. I do find it especially powerful within a D/s type relationship because of the ways in which it can be applied.
My opinion is that opportunities should always be optional and encouraged, not required or coerced. The ones I remember most favorably have always been positive, even when there may have been discomfort at the time. Sometimes, opportunity knocks when you least expect it, but when it’s most welcome.
I recently saw a lady on ‘Kinky & Popular’ who had writing on her upper body. I wasn’t able to read the words., and they may have been a tattoo or a temporary marking. It set me to thinking about the words we use within ‘play’ or scenes. Most frequent examples I’ve seen include bodies with ‘whore’, ‘cum-dumpster’, ‘pig’, ‘slut’ and the like placed by play partners. This demonstrative wording can be used in a couple of ways. It can be a Hot and/or demeaning form of play. It can be used to break down a play partner and remind them who is in charge. But I have rarely seen it displayed and employed as a powerful, positive esteem building tool.
My Wife and partner in crime, SweetGeekGoddess and I have had some stresses recently. Typical things which affect us all such as finances, health, family, home and fitness have been applied with a generous dollop of Murphy’s Law (one step forward and two steps back). We have often discussed our relationship and maintain great communication, continually moving forward, often supporting friends and chosen family along the way towards our goals. But something was still causing an issue. After writing a piece which started as advice for some friends and ultimately became an introspective look at myself, I found certain habits needed to change, so decided to switch things up.
Last night I visited a craft store while SweetGeekGoddess shopped for some groceries. Refusing to tell her what was bought, I simply mentioned it would be good for Her and that I was pretty confidant she’d end up crying. After a light supper we went into our bedroom where she undressed before being blindfolded. I then began painting on her body (a combination of ticklish skin and an unsteady hand really don’t matter when doing this).
Once I was done, and taking her carefully by the hand, I led her into the bathroom where we have two mirrors set at right-angles which reflect a readable image. Holding her facing the mirrors, with my hands on her shoulders, I quietly told her that what I was showing her was what others already see. Her strengths, her passions, the values which others Love her for. On removing the blindfold, I watched her in the mirror, holding her, as she read the words on her flesh; eyes slowly filling with tears as she was taken with emotion. The strength of her grip in showed the depth of emotion she was experiencing.
When we talked about it afterwards, it was quickly obvious at the ‘unveiling’ that the visible words painted on her body had made much more impact than the spoken words I’ve used before, probably because of the visual aspect which imprints on the mind far more readily for many people.
It’s this positive affirmation which seems to be most readily forgotten in relationships, or at least used less. How much more often do we swear, belittle and denigrate each other, in play or in anger? I encourage you to try this alternative, choosing words suitable to Lovingly describe your partner with positive validations. It changed my relationship, and is a gift I wanted to share. Please, Enjoy!