A Resource for BDSM, Kink & Fetish Communities.

Kinkabuse.com’s focus is primarily for the BDSM community. However we hope to offer educational resources for every community, straight , LGBTQ or kinky, Anywhere there are questions about abuse, we hope to be able to provide some help in getting those questions answered.  As we are located in Utah some of the resources listed are local.  However, we have tried to provide general numbers and links to those who live outside of Utah.


The concept for KinkAbuse.com is quite simple. SweetGeekGoddess and I wanted a free web resource available for people to identify signs & symptoms of abuse, and abusive situations. We also wanted to provide support in the form of articles and suggestions in dealing with those situations.


We wrote some initial articles. Many more come from very generous contributors who we approached and  received permission to include their articles. Please be respectful of the authors’ copyrights, and only reprint their work with their express permission.
While KinkAbuse is primarily aimed at supporting the Kink, Leather and Alternate Lifestyle communities, we hope that other visitors find the content useful, even if some of the concepts we talk about seem a little strange.
If you have any questions, please feel free to email us directly at  kinkabuse@gmail.com .

GamerUK & SweetGeekGoddess

This website and its content is copyright of kinkabuse.com – © kinkaabuse.com 2011. All rights reserved.

Any redistribution or reproduction of part or all of the contents in any form is prohibited other than the following:

  • You may print or download to a local hard disk extracts for your personal and non-commercial use only
  • You may copy the content to individual third parties for their personal use, but only if you acknowledge the website as the source of the material
  • You may not, except with our express written permission, distribute or commercially exploit the content. Nor may you transmit it or store it in any other website or other form of electronic retrieval system.

30 Responses to A Resource for BDSM, Kink & Fetish Communities.

  1. Great blog, @sweetgeekgoddess, with some superb articles. I found it via your response to Kitty Stryker’s post on Fetlife at http://fetlife.com/users/122125/posts/672952, and have added you to my own link list.

    Keep up the good work. If all of us who are passionate about this issue pull together, and interlink, hopefully we can make a difference.


  2. I leave a leave a response each time I like a article on a site or if I have something to contribute to the conversation. Usually it is triggered by the fire communicated in the post I browsed. And after this article KinkAbuse.com | A resource for the BDSM Community. I was moved enough to drop a thought 😛 I do have 2 questions for you if you do not mind. Could it be simply me or do some of these remarks look like they are left by brain dead visitors? 😛 And, if you are posting on other online sites, I’d like to keep up with you. Could you list the complete urls of all your shared sites like your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?

  3. latinas says:

    Very nice very nice stuff you have on ur blog your above excellence

  4. maia says:

    Hi. You posted some excellent material on abuse. I would like to ask permission to re-post it in our group on ManilaFet with acknowledgement of course. I think a lot will benefit from what you wrote.

    • admin says:

      A great deal of the articles posted here were done with permission of the authors and are copyrighted. You would have to write and ask them to repost.

  5. Yuri says:

    I am in an abusive relationship with a femdom, I wonder if you have any support groups that I can talk with about my ordeal as I really need somebody to talk to.
    Thank you very much


    • admin says:

      I apologize for the late response. I hope you were able to find resources. I will look for support groups in this area and post as soon as I can.

  6. Jason aka Julia janes says:

    Hello , i am 46 year old switch, i have been active in the s/m world since 1985 .
    i left the scene for health reasons in 2003, attempted to return to my past experiences,in 2011 . In the past i had all ways practiced negotiated roll play, i never approved of what is now called power exchange how ever i thought that if i kept to my own ethos i would be safe and ok with the situations . Last June i witnessed a so called slave conditioning that involved a person whom i identify with, sleep deprivation was strictly on the menu that to me was dangerously abusive .
    As a consequence of this i am now distressed and confused finding my self unable to think of or have sex with out feeling guilty and ashamed anxiousness . Please any advise on seeking treatment . is it possible to be happy with my kink again . Jason

    • admin says:

      Jason~ I am so very sorry that you experienced such trauma. I am sure witnessing such would cause triggers. I would suggest strongly that you find a therapist in your area that has knowledge of BDSM who can help you navigate through your issues. I am awaiting an article from a local Utah therapist in how to find a therapist who will have knowledge or at least not judge for being involved in BDSM. I am sending healing thoughts your way!

  7. Mistral says:


    Would you mind if I hosted some of your articles on my website? Proper attribution included of course.

    The Triskelion Society is an education and community based website. We do not make any money from the site and are all about supporting and building up the kink community.

    I encourage you to check the site out and let me know if it is okay. We have hundreds of articles already, yours would be a welcome addition.



    • admin says:

      Mistral ~ I love the idea! A lot of my articles are copyrighted and used with permission of the authors. I would be happy to give you the contact information of the authors so you can seek their permission directly. I believe strongly that the more information out there about healthy BDSM the less abuse we will see!

  8. Pere LP says:

    Congratulations, great Blog, except for the Abuse in Total Power Exchange article.

    I found very discomforting to read an article that says that what thinks, wants and wishes one of the parts (the BDSM slave) doesn’t matter at all, only the Master’s wishes matters.

    It shocks me wen he says : “As we all should agree that a slave is her Masters property, and has no rights other then the privileges granted by her Master, and the slave consents, surrenders and submits completely, voluntary and unconditional when accepting her Masters collar, then a Master may do with his slave as he alone sees fit, according to his wants and needs, as well as his values, principles and beliefs. The Master has the final decision in all matters and issues within this power structure. Once a slave has accepted her Masters collar and consented to be his total and unconditional slave, no further consent is needed or required.”

    I don’t agree with that, and I don’t think that you would found much people agreeing with that. A BDSM slave is not a “real” slave, he’s only playing a play for only as long as he wants and it fulfills him. At any moment a BDSM slave must be able to change his mind and end the relationship or negotiate new terms.

    Free Will is basic in The Universal Declaration of Human Rights, a BDSM slave can play a part where he borrows his Free Will to his Master. But that’s only a play, and as a human being he maintains his basic human rights, he can reclaim his Free Will if his relationship doesn’t feel right anymore and wants to change it. If his Master deny him his right to change his mind about his BDSM slavery, he deny him his Free Will, his most basic human rights, and he clearly abuses of him. Anyone who sees that must expose that Master to the authorities.

    All the article is about how the Master must treat the BDSM slave, but never mentions that the BDSM slave has the right to abandon or change the terms of a relationship that doesn’t works for him anymore.

    That article describes “true” slavery, and that seems the ultimate abuse to me.

  9. hello you have a great weblog. I wanna thank you for posting this cool information with us. Keep up this great work.

  10. hassan says:

    hi i would love to meet a mistress in edinburgh really hard to find

    • admin says:

      Have you tried creating a Fetlife account and finding munches and groups in your area? I am sure they must have some kinky folks in Scotland. I have always felt the best way to find like minded folks is to get involved in your local community. Good luck!

  11. Lee says:

    Hi i came to this site as i am new to bdsm and was looking for help as i don’t think my d/s relationship is really truly a d/s dynamic. I only wish there was a way of contacting you to ask you?

  12. Coco Jones says:

    Thanks for finding my blog so I could find yours. I will look forward to going through the writing on here!

  13. Nor Nor says:

    Great blog. Do you have a newsletter service ?

  14. julie says:

    I tired to leave a bdsm Daddy dom baby sub relationship. He got angry I wanted to leave so slaved me without my consent and isnt letting me leave. And if im bad hell sell me or distribute pictures but if im good I feel like he’ll never let me go I just want out andI dont know what to do.

    • Cristina says:

      call the police if you can. tell them you are being held against your will. get in contact with a friend who can do it for you if you cant. please know you can get through this. you can escape there is hope, never give up your will to carry on. call someone who can support you when you end up escaping so you can get your life back together. please stay safe. i believe in you never give up

  15. Karen - Spranger on Fetlife says:

    I’m not new to BDSM and have had many beautiful relationships in the lat 15 years. However, despite my knowledge and experience, I just spent the last 8 years in an abusive kink relationship with someone I really love/loved. As Domme it was hard to recognize emotional and verbal abuse from a Sub. I’ve been reading this blog for sometime and I wanted to thank you and everyone involved in creating this resource.
    Thank you,

  16. Kate Kellee says:

    I just got out of a relationship with a man (master according to him but not my master) that has me in such a mess I don’t know what to do or think or anything. Where can I go for help? I am not in the lifestyle and I am not submissive but I felt forced to be in a relationship because I didn’t know what he was capable of. Now 9 months later there is no going back mostly because legal issues. Can anyone explain to me why and/or how when this person has nothing to offer me and I did not want to be with him I wanted to be with him? He would build me up just to knock me down. In the very beginning he got angry and told me he wanted me to kill myself, I believe he has always wanted to destroy me and has gotten off on the thrill of seeing how much he could hurt me but of course he will admit nothing.
    He is also bipolar, ADD, and has OCD that he does not take medication for.
    I had my suicide planned and ready to go several times now and I think I have finally decided to not kill myself but now I don’t know what to do.
    He was trying to get me to become a prostitute. He has done that to 4 other girls before. I feel that because I use to be such a strong person I have to do something to help others. If there is anyone in Arizona doing something that needs help it would be a blessing to me if you would allow me to assist you.
    Thank you in advance. I am so lost and confused. I was independent, secure, and happy before I met him. Now I feel like I can’t even get out of bed right.

  17. I am very anxious to find out whether or not this is “THE KINKY” Website for Me !

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