Emotional abuse has been described as being similar to brain washing in that it alters how victims perceive themselves. Through various means of emotional manipulation and invalidation, emotional abuse systematically destroys the victim’s self-worth, trust in their perceptions, self-confidence and self-concept.  If left unchecked eventually the victim will lose all sense of self-worth.
  • The abuser keeps the victim unaware of what is going on and what changes are taking place.  Example: Your partner might  control your finances, make plans for you, or not tell you what his/her plans are until the last minute.  He/she may talk about you to others behind your back, to isolate you from them.
  • The abuser controls the victim’s time and physical environment, and works to suppress much of the victim’s old behavior.  The victim is slowly, or abruptly, isolated from all supportive persons except the abuser. Example: Your partner might have insisted that you stop certain social, hobby, or work activities.  You might have gotten moved to a new location, farther away from your family and friends.  Or you may have been asked (or told) to reduce or stop contact with specific supportive people in your life.
  • The abuser creates in the victim a sense of powerlessness, fear, and dependency. Example: Verbal and emotional abuse creates these emotions. They become stronger and stronger over time.
  • The abuser works to instill new behavior and attitudes in the victim. This new behavior erodes your self-confidence and self-esteem.
  • The abuse puts forth a closed system of logic that allows for no input or criticism.  In other words it is their way or the highway.

16 Responses to BrainWashing

  1. Maria says:

    It is so good to have someone UNDERSTAND this… dear God. So many people… cops, rape shelters, therapists… they just don’t get the mind games. They ask why I let it go on. I tell them “They played mind games on me. They made me believe they deserved it [to be touched, sucked, etc].” And they just don’t get it. I should have known better. Should have seen through it. It took talking to another girl that they did the same things to only worse to realize ‘Oh my God. This was sexual assault from the beginning. I knew I didn’t LIKE it but I was being abused this whole time. They were wrong to (gently) put my hand back on his penis… (gently) put my lips back on her nipple. All while saying “We helped you… don’t you want to do something for us in return?”‘ They were my disciplinarians and friends. They were my spankers. I wanted to trust them. Most of the time they were fun to be around. And they knew how to manipulate the dominance into making me feel like I had to do things. Finally it dawned and I got away. But I didn’t try and do anything to stop them until it was too late… statute of limitations. This is a wonderful site. JUST found it through Fetlife. Wish it was more visible. I’ve been looking for stuff like this via internet searches and it never came up. I don’t know if there is anyway to advertise it better or get it out there a little more but I think it would be greatly beneficial to the Community. That’s my one and only critique! Not easy enough access to it!

  2. Jenny says:

    Yeah but how is this any different than “breaking a slave” or internal enslavement? I’m not trying to start an argument, I genuinely see no difference.

    • Created slave says:

      On the outside, it’s no different. It’s all about the intent.

      Abusers use this to control, isolate and program their victims. It is not done with any type of consent or the BS that is consensual non-consent. I had this used on me by my ex, when I came out of it, things were very challenging for years to get through it. Her intent was to use this to control, humiliate, own, disrespect and with enough mental torture, have me commit suicide which almost happened.

      I don’t think those that use these types of techniques really understand or care about the damage done to their victims. They only care about the pleasure they receive by dominating and controlling another person like a puppet.

      I’m glad this is getting more attention. It is mental torture. It is what POW’s and other prisoners have been subjected to. The vanilla world does not understand this yet. I have faith that the truth will be shown. God is good, He is righteous and He will destroy the wicked.

      • Shawn says:

        How can you ever truly know the intent of the “master”? Has it ever occured to anyone that a true dominant alpha male doesn’t need someone to agree to be his slave. Instead he goes after an amazing woman and fills her with so much love and respect that she just inherently does a lot of things he likes out of just wanting to please someone who pleases them so much?

      • Crazy Bitch says:

        Created slave, I’m freshly out of a relationship that I believe he goal was for me to commit suicide. I would live to talk to you more and learn what you know and how you figured it out.

        • huxley says:

          Hey there;
          I think I’m in the same boat. Any chance you’d still be okay to talk to someone who is currently in that situation and not sure how to leave?
          If you get this… sos I guess.
          Hope you’re well on the other side

  3. Freedom! says:

    This is no different than IE and O&P. What is horrible is that those of us who have been victimized by our partners who used these techniques and protocols on us, we end up in recovery for years and they move on and do this to another.

    I had no idea that my marriage of 9 years was her way of isolating me, programming and training me for full slavery. As I’ve been out and working in therapy to remove the damage, she has gone on to her next victim. I know what she will do to him, I know that he is weak and submissive, but has no idea what is coming.

    She picks guys who have a history of sexual, mental and emotional abuse in their childhood. She picks guys who can easily be manipulated, who are “nice guys”, who are people pleasers. I can’t do anything to notify him, as the stories about me “going crazy” are out there and have been for the last 1 and 1/2 years.

    She will mentally and emotionally destroy this guy, then divorce rape him and move on to the next. She has done this twice before, and all that happens is she gets better at her games, manipulations and abuse.

    IE and the like are very dangerous in the hands of an abusive person, male or female. The biggest problem I’ve found is that most people will entertain the thought of a male being abusive in this way, but call out a female? Well, then you’re a weak man, you didn’t “control your woman” or you’re a liar because “women don’t do that type of stuff”.

    Guess what? They do. And social standards remove them of all accountability. People don’t understand the cult-like programming and brainwashing. They will see it on television or in a movie and be horrified, but tell them a real life example and they can’t acknowledge it.

    There should be more information about this, as the first poster said. Those of us who have experienced this extreme level of programming are shunned by society and we end up re-victimized because we can’t get the help we need, and no one goes out to stop the abusers from mentally conditioning to create a real life dictionary definition of a slave.

  4. Misty Honor says:

    In all seriousness this site should be available also for the vanilla world too. I was stuck in a marriage where my (then) husband did this too me and who I allowed to do this too me. I was imprinted from a childhood trauma of sexual molestation to accept this kind of treatment. That I deserved being treated badly. The X just built on it. Despite on again and off again counseling to help me deal with specific issue that reflaired up periodically from the treatment that the X did and I couldn’t figure out why the cycle would repeat itself. I finally figured it all out. I was molested from the age of 6 to 12 years of age. I was married almost 25 years. I left twice. The second time was much harder to leave. Felt like I was dirt beneath his feet. I had no confidience left nor any self-worth. Been working on “fixing” me for almost 4 years. It was only when I dwelled into the sexual molestation that I finally figured out why I kept picking men that hurt me emotionally and mentally. For tbe first time in my adult life, I feel whole and happy about myself.

    • Created slave says:

      Misty, congratulations on getting out and working on your healing!

      I believe that as you said, those of us who have a history of sexual abuse and molestation are prime targets for this kind of abuse.

      The mental games are no joke, I’m so glad to hear that you are coming out of it. My faith in God has helped me through this experience, I hope you have found God through your personal trial.

      You are a survivor of an evil heart, mind and soul. I believe the reprobate mind in scripture is what we have experienced. Your experiences have a purpose, you will be called upon. God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

      Proverbs 3:5-7 Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the LORD and turn away from evil.…

  5. Ara Bogosian says:


    My ex wife did this to me all the time, she not a Don either. She was just a executive that was a bitch, but a sub, that did not want to give up control?
    How fucked up is that?
    No wonder I want a women to do this to me, just when we play? To an extent? Know how fucked up is that?
    No wonder I so fucking kinky, I got tons of articles and save porn photos, just to see if I can make a torture rack? Or a queening stool (which i have)? Wow!!

    Why can I not find a women who would like to explore this, I also into behavior modification also they hypnosis, thru intimidation and manipulation?

    I got tons of research, fascinated on it? Did you know a lot of psychologist are really Doms.. also secretary’s, waitress, anybody with a job that’s are in charge, but is being paid by some asshole.

    It figures I married an executive. Be funny who our new presidents new boss? I bet Ivan’s trump got a whip and collar for Donald!
    Thank god I voted for him.

  6. Daisy says:

    I was brainwashed into BDSM at an early age. By the time I was 15, I was a sex slave, and kept docile through hypnosis. I came to find out later that my own family was involved. I’m 28 now and just barely out of the nightmare. I’m afraid for other girls like me, and mostly for all the younger girls now (with the popularity of fifty shades of grey). There is so little actually being said about this kind of abuse. Especially in light of bdsm becoming more mainstream.

  7. Crazy Bitch says:

    Created slave, I’m freshly out of a relationship that I believe he goal was for me to commit suicide. I would live to talk to you more and learn what you know and how you figured it out.

  8. Jason Herring says:

    I love how you keep using the word abuser because if he is an abuser he has no place in the BDSM community. Yes I own my slave. We don’t live together but she texts me everything that she does. She sends me a text in the morning for me to approve her clothes she texted me when she leaves the house when she gets to work when she leaves work when she gets home just about everything that she does. Yes I have brainwashed her to do all these things. You know what she wouldn’t have it any other way. So not all brainwashing is bad.

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